PC: Thank you Governor Romney for taking some time from your busy campaign to drop by.

GR: It is an honor and a pleasure to be here Mr. Cynic.

Thank you, and relax, we’re real informal around here.  Governor Romney, you’ve been criticized as behaving sometimes, for lack of a better description, like a robot.  Do you have any thoughts on this?

It is an honor and a pleasure to be here Mr. Cynic.  It is an honor and a pleasure to be here Mr. Cynic.

Right then.  Governor Romney, some of your opponents have suggested you lack the foreign policy experience necessary for a Commander-in-Chief.  Do you think it’s a fair evaluation? 

No I don’t and for a simple reason.  When Mr. Obama arrived from Kenya ten years ago the only foreign policy experience he was known for was applying for his passport, or so I’m told.

With respect Governor, it’s President Obama and furthermore he is not Kenyan, he is like you, an American born citizen.  And there’s nothing wrong about being Kenyan of course, but it’s simply untrue.

Oh no, my dear friend Donald has assured me he’s European.

Hmm.  Let’s just move on.  Governor, as an extremely wealthy business person and vulture capitalist, do you actually believe you are in touch with the social and economic reality of the average person? 

Oh certainly I am, I know many people like my good friends the Koch Industries, the Goldman Sachs and the British Petroleums.  These are salt of the earth people my friend who would loan you, at reasonable rates of interest, the shirts off their backs.  Even during working hours!  Good people.

But they’re not people, they’re corporations.

Woof woof, who let the dogs out!

What?  In any case, Mr. Romney, when you were acting governor of Massachusetts, you said you believed in anthropogenic climate change.  But as the presidential nominee, you now claim there is no consensus within the scientific community about climate science, which incidentally, is false.  Especially in light of the devastation and suffering produced by hurricane Sandy, why the change of heart?

I never said that.

Yes, you did.

Did not.

But I’m looking at the transcript right now.

No you’re not.

Yes, I am.

It is an honor and a pleasure to be here Mr. Cynic.

Are you feeling alright?

Sing with me!  The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round, the wheels on the bus go round and round…

Astounding.  Governor, when you disregarded the 47 percent of Americans who you described as only wanting to live off the so-called entitlements provided by the other more affluent half of the population, didn’t you realize that would offend the millions of hard working citizens that, after all, only wish to be treated with the respect they deserve? 

First of all, you’re taking my words out of context.  I never said those things.

But you did.

Did not.

But I’m watching the video right now.

No you’re not.

But Governor,

I respect all Americans, including you Mr. Cynic.

Actually I’m Canadian.

I love Alaska!

But Alaska’s …, oh never mind.  Mr. Romney, the party you represent seems to be turning back the clock with regard to woman’s rights, inexplicably wishing to take the country back to an almost 1950’s mentality.  Why is this?

That’s just plain false, and as you can see from this binder full of woman I’ve prepared…

Sir, that’s the lingerie section of a 1953 Sears Catalogue. 

Oh ha!  That Paul Ryan and his tomfoolery.  This isn’t mine!  Ha!

But the outside label has you’re name and address on it.

Does not.

Alright, well one more question Governor.  Have you ever heard of the term cognitive dissonance?  I only ask because it seems to me you hold simultaneous yet conflicting opinions on just about everything, and then just repeat what you think people want to hear in order to gain their support.

Mr. Cynic, I think your work here is the most intelligent, well written and thoughtful efforts in the history of planet Earth.  And if the world had more Siberians like you…

I’m Canadian.

…Alaskans like you, America could lead the world into an era of unlimited prosperity and once again emerge triumphant here in the 20th century.

It’s the 21st century Governor. 

It is?

It is.

It’s been an honor and a pleasure to be here Mr. Cynic.

You’re very welcome, anytime. 

Advertisements