PC: Thanks so much for taking a few moments from your busy schedule Mr. O’Malley.  

Eadbhárd O’Malley: Not a problem. Besides, the pool is being cleaned and my house boy is fetching more ice.

That’s a good house boy. For the record, you aren’t actually a dragon, are you?

Technically no, although on occasion I do release fireballs from my eyes usually after drinking too many mimosas during my morning sauna.

That sounds like fun.  Anyway, the CBC often brings you on as an expert on an array of topics seemingly outside your role as a successful celebrity entrepreneur. Why is that?

The CBC finally realized that their job is not to rationally inform but more importantly obey their betters.

Obey their betters?

Money talks baby, and those with the most green get the biggest microphone. I’m more precious than unobtanium. You know, like in that Spielberg movie, Avarice.

I think you mean James Cameron’s’ Avatar.

Whatever.

Remarkable. But I noticed after that horrendous earthquake hit Japan in 2011 causing the Fukushima nuclear disaster you were called upon to provide an analysis of the pro’s and con’s of nuclear energy. To my knowledge you are not a nuclear expert. Why then would you be providing commentary?

Nuclear energy is the most natural and easily understood energy source known to exist. You’ve heard of the sun haven’t you? Nuclear baby! And after my successful hostile takeover of our solar friend, humanity will arise every morning to witness the supremacy of my greed! Which is good.

Wow, something to look forward to. Continuing on this theme of disasters, the CBC has on occasion relied on your opinions regarding various man-made debacles including the tragic BP oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico back in 2010 which was correctly perceived as one of the world’s greatest environmental catastrophes.

Nonsense. The world will experience far worse environmental catastrophes in the not too distant future.

But doesn’t that concern you?

Why would it?  You see, this is why I’m me and you’re you. I’m champagne and caviar baby. I’m a walking talking Calgary Stampede!

Huh?

Disasters are great for business! When a company screws up royally, their short-term stock values inevitably plunge creating excellent purchasing opportunities. And while the news cycle gets dominated by the latest witless celebrity escaping rehab for the tenth time thus distracting people from the flammable liquids filling their bathtubs, presto! Stocks bounce back up and it’s party time. Show me my money!

Incredible. I also couldn’t help notice that the CBC routinely consults you on the various labor and union disputes that are popping up around the country with greater frequency. Why you?

Because this is a war, and I’m the General Patton of mergers and acquisitions.

General Patton?

That’s right! Unions are the enemy. We’re going to wade into them, we’re going to cut out their living guts and use them to grease the wheels of our tanks. We are advancing constantly and we’re not interested in holding onto anything except our money. We’re…

Pardon me, but isn’t that a George C. Scott portrayal of Patton?

Whatever baby.

Mr. O’Malley, are you by chance an international man of mystery?

Oh behave!

Well, I know you are busy and I can see that you’re house boy is back so I’ll wrap this up with one final question. Is their any topic on which the CBC will not rely on you for an opinion?

For some reason they refuse to allow me to review my favorite movies.

Indeed. Well, that’s our loss.

I’ll be back, baby!

I can hardly wait.  Anyway, thanks again and have a great day. And stop sneering at me, baby.

Advertisements